When it all makes sense

Sitting in the warm embrace of the bathtub, I found myself immersed in a new Podcast. A woman's voice resonated through the water, articulating the emotions that had long been buried within me, the very sentiments I had experienced when my grandmother departed from this world. As her words began to unravel my bottled-up grief, tears flowed down my face.

Let's rewind to just one night prior, allowing me to set the stage. My partner and I were engaged in one of our customary hour-long conversations, discussing our evolving spiritual journeys. He had been rediscovering his beliefs, while I had only recently embarked on the path to spiritual enlightenment. I took a moment to reflect on my childhood when I explained to him that the sole companion who shared my passion for religion was my grandma. She had been my guide, introducing me to her church, Christian music, and the profound world of spirituality.

However, life's relentless course soon took an unexpected turn when my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer. This marked the beginning of my inner turmoil. Witnessing the person who had anchored me to God's suffering left me angry and confused. And when she eventually succumbed to her illness, I was left grappling with the unfathomable loss of the most precious person in my life. In that moment, anger surged within me, and I couldn't comprehend why the heavens had snatched her away.

In retrospect, I yearned for the strength to hold onto my faith, but it eluded me at the time. Now, fast forward to that moment in the bathtub, where the Podcast "Hearing Jesus with Rachel Groll" became my lifeline. Rachel began narrating her own struggle, how she had recently prayed and fasted, only to receive an answer contrary to her family's prayers, and she was upset.

My grandmother's passing had filled me with anger and confusion, but as I listened to Rachel's story, I found solace in the realization that others had experienced the same tumultuous emotions. Over the course of the Podcast, she went on to share how she coped with her unexpected answer and the emotions it had stirred. I couldn't help but wish I had possessed those invaluable tools during that time of my life.

In the end, this encounter with Rachel's Podcast has served as a beacon of hope, illuminating a path to understanding and healing. It's a reminder that even in our darkest moments of despair, we are not alone. The knowledge that we share our pain with countless others can inspire us to find solace, strength, and perhaps even a renewed connection with faith. So, as I lay in that tranquil bath, my tears now symbolize not just sorrow but also a sense of shared resilience, for in our collective experiences, we discover the power to heal and grow, no matter the obstacles we face on our spiritual journey.

I would now like to leave each post with a Bible verse:

2 Chronicles 20:15 NIV

“Do not be afraid or discouraged... For the battle is not yours, but God's. ”