Lost & Confused

Have you ever felt so lost in your day-to-day? Stuck, feeling like your work is not motivating you anymore? Well....I have.

For years, I had no idea what I was going to do with my life, I felt like I wasted my time going to college and graduating with a degree in something that did not light my fire anymore (that's a story for another time). I lost myself for a while, surrounded myself with people and a boyfriend who made every decision for me, and I was just along for the ride. Fast forward, two years later, I go back to school and by the grace of God land the most amazing job I had ever had.

For the first time in my life, I had a supervisor and a team that cared about me, my success, and my happiness! I felt loved and supported and things could not have been better! I was fueled by the need to make this program better! To fix what was broken, to right what was wrong. And I did that, by all means, nothing is perfect and there is always room to grow and improve, ways to be better, but man I made a difference. I made such a difference that now, just a little over a year later, I am feeling lost again.

Where does this constant need to have a mountain to climb in front of me come from? I can not sit by with goals that do not fuel my fire. There are a lot of things that have changed over the past year, but one thing remained, my amazing and wonderful supervisor. She IS the reason I am the person I am today! Words will never be able to express my gratitude to her, but because of her I need more, I WANT more! I just don't know what I want more of.

When people ask me what I am passionate about, my brain goes blank. My background knowledge in the cattle and agricultural industry will never go away, but it is not something I see myself pursuing a career in. My love for early childhood education stems from my desire to be a mom, but is it something I can continue to pursue career-wise if my relationship continues in the direction it is? There is something WILD that happens when you fall in love. So what is left?

Feeling lost, confused, and not having any current decisions to make is one of the hardest things to deal with when you are an anxiety-ridden overthinker! All I know right now is I love my family, my blood related, and the one I have chosen to love! I know I am on the path that God has laid for me, but man I am impatient and need a passion project. So if you are still here, I don't know where this will lead, but I do know it's what I need right now. A place to escape, put my extra thought and attention to, a place to care, and explore the different thoughts in my head.

I am lost & confused, but that's Chelsea World right now! Stay tuned.